What's On Your Mind?

You're probably experiencing a lot of mixed emotions right now.  You’ve been hoping things would get  better in time, but you feel stuck.  More than that, you've probably been experiencing emotional pain for awhile.  Just like we go to seek out a doctor when we experience physical pain, it makes sense that you seek out a counselor for relief of your emotional pain.  I specialize in helping individuals and couples overcome and manage their painful emotions in order to build strong and healthy relationships.

Does Your Relationship Need Help?

The very relationship you chose to have as an adult can bring you immense happiness and at the same time much heartache.  You may be wondering if counseling is the right path to take for you and your spouse.  It's great that you are taking steps to be proactive about your concerns.  Take the assessment below to see if your relationship needs help.  This is to help you decide what your next step should be.  Please answer YES or NO to each of the questions.

1. We are arguing almost on a daily basis (usually over small things and topics tend to repeat and remain unresolved) along with rising intensity in arguments.
2. We tend to ignore each other for days in angry silence.
3. Our sexual relationship is unsatisfying or there is no sexual relationship.
4. We have or are currently experiencing infidelity. 
5. The stress of our relationship is having a negative effect on our children, work and my health.
6. There have been thoughts or threats of ending the relationship.
7. I can’t seem to get my spouse to listen to me.
8. We no longer share our inner-most thoughts and feelings.
9. We’re more like distant roommates.  We rarely spend quality time with each other.
10. There is presence of verbal abuse (name calling, screaming and character assassination).
11. There is presence of physical abuse.

If you have answered YES to three or more of the above questions, your relationship is under much stress and marriage counseling may be a good idea to consider.  All relationships go through ups and downs but sometimes relationship issues become overwhelming.  Asking for help is taking a step towards a better life.  Especially if you answered YES to question #11, I highly recommend that you get help. 

Change Is Possible!

Feeling unsure of what to do next and doubtful of change?  After what you’ve been through, it’s a normal response.  How strong is your desire to be happy? In order to change your current state, you must initiate change.  Positive change is possible when you truly desire it.  This means taking an honest look at what are the behaviors you want to change as a couple.  Marriage counseling takes commitment, hard work and time.  However, the rewards of building a strong relationship last a lifetime.  More importantly, you'll be able to impart a legacy of creating a healthy relationship to your children as they become adults.  So the choices you make today can echo through many generations.  Isn’t it time for you to get more satisfaction in your marriage?  Contact me and I’d be happy to talk to you!

Wait!  What Do I Do In The Meantime?

Here are some tips for you to try right away.

• Table a hot topic.  It doesn’t help to beat a dead horse.  It should be clear to you that whatever method of communicating or relating has not been working.  Take a step back and reflect on how you are coming across.  What can you do differently that will yield a more favorable result? 
• Words hurt.  All couples have battle scars but not all couples learn how to heal those wounds with kindness.  I know it’s become almost reflexive to hurl some hurtful things to your spouse, not because you’re a bad person, but because you’re hurting too.  So take some time and think about the words that you use.
• Keep a journal of your feelings or find another creative outlet for coping.
• Begin couples counseling alone or together with a marriage counselor.  Yes you can do couples counseling alone, especially when your spouse is uncertain.  The simple fact is; when you change, people around you change.  Whether you come in alone or with your spouse, we will take a closer look at what areas we need to focus on by doing a detailed assessment.  A customized plan to repair and build your relationship will be provided.  Treatment will include counseling, homework, and exercises to achieve your goals.  Contact me about setting up your first appointment!

Choosing the right path to take is up to you.